The Drama & Defining Moment in Romantic Love

continued.....this is part II and III

The Drama
If you are stuck on a track that goes nowhere, you not growing. When you are not growing, your heart is not open and your spirit starts to shut down. In this emotional state you tend to vacillate from mania to numbness. Exiting is the only remedy for the sickness associated with this ride. You have probably tried many time-out talks that included “calls to action” where promises were made but never kept. That is because there is just enough good stuff to keep you around, mixed in with fear and intimidation. On the crazy train, there will be many moments of frustration, anxiety, tears and fears. In other words--- Drama. Why do you do the drama? Because you think it is amusing.

Drama is a key component of this kind of relationship. You will find passion here, in many ways that are important, like good sexual chemistry, etc. But there is another even more powerful passion at work. The kind that makes you go crazy, get defensive, throw tantrums, sulk and shut down. This is not the good kind of passion.

This kind of passion is left over childhood anger or rage from when we didn’t get our needs met. To attempt to resolve this ache in our hearts, we hook up with a partner and try like hell to get them met through that other person. What a trap---they are often perfectly wired to hit our hottest buttons.

Relationships teach us about ourselves. So this is good, because at any moment during the ride, you can wake up and make a different choice on how you want to respond. On this ride, you are in total control of how fast, slow, gut wrenching, heart pounding, and scary you will let it become. There will come a day when you will finally have had enough of the self-inflicted craziness. This day is your defining moment.

The Defining Moment
A defining moment for me came when I was journaling about my first husband. I found in the back of my journal a letter that was addressed to him that was four years old. In the letter, I was expressing the same concerns and requests that I was in the present. Ironically enough, the letter’s actual date was October 12, 2000. Our wedding was October 12, 2002. That means before I even got married, I knew the ride I was in for, but still I made the commitment. Now you are probably saying she should have seen it coming--” he wasn’t likely to change.

Who really knows? All I can say is I guess I hadn’t gotten the lesson yet, and needed to keep riding, and marriage was the only way I was really going to experience what I needed to experience. I’m sure I also had a romantic illusion that it would improve.

Wrong. The first year of marriage was awful---all the things in that letter were there magnified by ten! I could barely recognize this man. I was in shock and disbelief for the entire first year and kept thinking make it stop. Finally after riding along for another year, (and couple’s counseling) I had that moment when I was like what am I doing? I deserve more. This is not amusing and I need to get off this roller coaster ride.

Maybe you don’t even like roller coasters, but have been riding because your partner liked them. You do have a right to your own feelings and to say this ride is not for me. In fact, that is the bravest thing you can do. But if you do find yourself on the crazy train, realize that you have the power to make it stop.

Just exit the relationship. And do not get back in line for another ride!

In relationships, you always have 4 choices: stay put, move forward, go backward, or exit. If you want out, get out. Get clear on what you want next and what you have learned. And then make the decision to leave. Stick to it. Get extra support from friends and family. Do not allow him or her to talk you back into staying. It is just a ploy—after all, this is their favorite ride, look at all the cheap thrills they get at your expense!

This ride makes them feel good. But if you don’t feel good and enjoy the ride, it’s high time to go.

Getting off the Crazy Train roller coaster ride of relationships—Part I

Do you love amusement rides? When I was a girl growing up I loved roller coasters, the faster, more intense, the crazier the better. What a rush! What a thrill. I remember on my favorite, The Beast---I would get off and run to get back in line to do it all again. Pure adrenaline addiction. It was a teenage love affair between beauty and the beast. That was great when I was thirteen.

I mean, I really loved riding The Beast, but wouldnt want to do it every day for the rest of my life!

As an adult, I still have a need for excitement and thrills, so what is a girl to do? What everyone does for so-called excitement-- romantic relationships. By far, the wildest ride out there in Romantic Love Land is the infamous Crazy Train---where you will experience the thrill of excitement, anticipation, and expectation followed by the fall, where your stomach drops out, then you are racing through the darkness of the confusion tunnel, ending with the abrupt finish—all the while squealing with delight and fear.

A popular self-help definition of insanity is doing the same thing in the same way over and over expecting different results. Wow, is this ever true in many romantic relationships. We want love so badly that we are willing to ride a relationship out until it literally makes us sick. When we get used to the ups and downs of bad behavior and start to believe that is a normal way to have a relationship, we get a little crazy.

Modern love serves to help us grow and evolve---to raise our awareness/consciousness. If you feel stuck in a rut and can’t seem to move forward, or cannot feel peace and contentment---get off the ride and take a look around.

Chances are you got on the crazy train coaster instead of the smooth and peaceful looking one you saw in the brochure. This emotional roller coaster has lots of highs and lows, twists and turns, but yet just keeps running the same course again and again, never really evolving. You know you are in one if you have the reasons for fights and the scripts that go with them burned in your brain.

In other words, you are stuck on a ride you desperately want to change.

Beware
There is no changing it, only exiting from it.

***This is a 5 part series leading up to a Happy Valentines for YOU

The Cycle of Abuse in a Narcissistic Relationship

Continued from the special report I wrote in 2006 when I divorced the first NPD in my life.

Narcissistic men use the women in their lives to stay alive and feel good. In exchange for getting to be with them, you become a servant to His needs. He will want your complete submission to him, but you will hold back because you feel something is not quite right, and can’t seem to really trust him. You are right about these feelings, but are too far in the dark to see the truth. The cycle of abuse starts right you meet him and continues until you finally see the light.

The Seduction Stage
When you first meet him, the narcissistic man is quite mysterious. He has well- developed seduction techniques that can literally charm the pants right off you! The air of mystery adds to the excitement, as most women do desire to be taken and claimed by a real man. You blindly believe he is such a man, only to find out later and after much confusion, that he was only an actor playing a part.

Realize that you never really know a narcissist because he will only tell you what he wants you to know and reveals what is useful in winning you over. In the beginning, he will over-value you. He will make you feel like you are the most amazing woman. He will seduce you with dinner, massage, flowers, whatever it takes to get you under his spell. He will look right into your eyes and hypnotize you with sweet talk. Narcissists are masters at emotional manipulation, so it is easy to fall for it. Once you open and trust, you are in the lair.

The Abuse Stage
After awhile you will find that you are no longer seen as the chosen one, rather, you now receive the brunt of his constant frustration and anger about how life is not working out how he thinks it should be. You are the reason for everything that goes wrong. You are judged, blamed, criticized, made to feel inadequate, etc. Verbal attacks can lead to physical attacks.

A Narcissist man (and woman for that matter) is a master of manipulation and not capable of real human feelings. He studies human behavior and mimics emotions to get the desired reaction from other people. You will begin to think you are crazy or emotionally unstable because: 1). He tells you that 2). He can twist conversations around until you forget your initial concern.

You will be in shock and disbelief and wonder what you did to cause such mistreatment.

It is not your fault. He is an abuser. He has a disorder (Narcissistic Personality Disorder.)

The Sustenance Stage

At this point, you are trapped in the lair trying to get your bearings. The abuse continues but now you are de-valued. He feels justified for abusing you. When he sees you, he sees what is on his inner screen (and it is not pretty!). No matter what you do, you will never be the equal and radiant co-star at the beginning of the movie. In fact, in his mind you have been demoted to personal assistant. You exist to do his bidding. What you do as a human being is not important or valued.

For instance, you are in business for yourself and you share that you got a new client. Instead of a normal response of “hey that’s great, tell me more.” You will hear something like how much are they going to pay? Why can’t you get more clients? To get any kind of respect at all, you have to produce---more money, more attention, more admiration. By now his addiction to you has grown and he requires more from his supplier. You are his drug. He needs more of you and yet does not value what he takes from you.

The sad thing is you were never valued in the first place.

If you suspect, you are involved in an NPD I implore you to do more research on it and emotional abuse. The best thing you can ever do for your soul is to LEAVE and run to the light of a New Day.

The Dark Side of Romantic Love: NPD

I am ending the second of a long-term relationship with someone that may have Narcisstic Personality Disorder. It's interesting, as they both were very similar...dark hair, Aquarians from the northeast. They also knew exactly what to say and do to get me to fall for them. The first lasted 8 years, the second, just 2, so I am definitely learning to see the signs ahead of time, and yet, feel disappointed to have re-created this pattern again.

I know that I am not alone, though, there may be many of you reading this right now who are feeling the drain of your positive and light filled-energy with someone who cannot access the center of their heart.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but this Valentine's day you be involved in a battle of the wills instead of blessing of the souls and you may actually be sleeping with a modern-day vampire---otherwise known as a Narcissist. Because Narcissists are such great actors, they will convince you how much they care for you, leaving you lifeless before you see the light of day.

Sam Vaknin, a Narcissist who wrote the book, Malignant Self-Love has called narcissism the mental epidemic of the 21^st century and has said it insidiously infects people who have daily contact with a narcissist. The psychological definition of narcissism is an all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy and behavior), with a strong need for admiration or adulation, a lack of empathy, usually beginning early in adulthood. Narcissists are overly obsessed with their image and are driven by their insatiable ego towards a ruthless and never-ending pursuit of gratification, dominance, and ambition. It comes with no surprise that 50-75% are male.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder that may be a result of childhood abuse from family, authority figures, or peers. There are two kinds of narcissists: cerebral (intelligence and academic achievements) and somatic (physical or sexual prowess of conquests). When you have NPD, there is no pill you can take to fix it. It is a condition you have to learn to live with and manage. Contrary to popular myth, a narcissist does not love himself, in fact, he often loathes himself and is thus driven to self-denial and bizarre coping mechanisms. A romantic relationship to someone with NDP is a source of life-giving energy that often leads to verbal and emotional abuse.

One tell-tale sign is not being able to get some of your important needs met....they will only give you what they want to give you and nothing more. You can ask until you are blue in the face and they just are unable to comprehend and respond in a kind-hearted manner.

***This is an excerpt of a special report, and you can email me if you would to receive the full report.

Next time I will reveal the stages of seduction that you will probably be drawn into.

Success comes from being in Alignment

Success in life and business is easier than you think---once you are aligned and can open to receive it.
That is why I call myself an alignment coach.I get the mental monsters out of the way so you can tune into the beat of your own soul.
Together, we research options and decide upon the best path to follow that will bring you happiness.

To succeed, you need to learn to form mental habits of success in your whole body. You need to be aligned with your mind, heart, and body. Many times, we think we want something, but inside we may feel we can’t really have it or feel unworthy. This is a block and must be dissolved so you can be in alignment, which is what makes the law of attraction work.

I have studied success. I have researched, read, interviewed, and been mentored by successful people. I even wrote my dissertation on the Science of Success. And this is what I can share with you:

Semi-successful people buy into other people’s road maps to success.

Successful people take bits and pieces from different guides to create their own version.

Ultra successful people invest in themselves, learn from those who have been there/done that, and work with a coach to help them create a smart map, that will get them there faster and easier.

Reap the benefit of my 20 years of being on the spiritual path, under-going massive personal transformation, and awakening the divine love within. Let me show you the short-cut to creating the life of your dreams.

The two most common feedback I hear from people that I work with is the shift of consciousness they receive that is clarity and happiness!

Knowing who you are and what you really want is the essential first step. For a limited time, you can sign up for a new life/breakthrough session with me at no cost.

A Coach Can Mirror Your Brilliance & Help You Get Unstuck

I can tell you how successful you will be in the coming year by finding out the 5 people you spend the most time with, the 5 books you read, and whether you have invested money into your personal growth. It is very simple really. The most successful people have a mentor, read (readers are leaders), and spend time, money, and energy to grow themselves.

Success comes from the inside out and from personal growth into a more expanded version of who you are.

When you have a people mirror helping you with your blind spots, you increase your capacity to achieve success more quickly.

A catalyst/mentor helps you look at what you need to reveal to yourself in order to grow, discover your own answers, and guide you in following your soul’s wisdom.

Nearly every successful person on the planet has at least one of these mirrors.
I am currently working with 2. They will help me get unstuck, ask the right questions, and share with me their expertise so I can shorten my learning & painful trial and error curve.

Truly the greatest gift you can give anyone is a deeper, more purposeful connection with your True Self--the you that sparkles, shines, and radiates wisdom, love and power.

Emerson said that our chief want is for someone to inspire us to be what we can be. And it is true! I myself just committed quite a bit of money, time and energy for my mentors. One for helping me access my inner presence and the other to help me build a powerful business platform.

And believe me, I have experienced 3 of the toughest years emotionally and financially of my life, and yet, I know that I am worth it! I know that when I invest in myself now, that it will pay off for a lifetime. And I know that when I expand my own consciousness, I can serve you more.

We all need to receive accurate reflections in order to be able to see our brilliance. The reason success is a struggle for so many is that we experienced distorted images of who we really are while growing up, and are never able to see the TRUE SELF.

A person mirror who is clear, clean, unconditionally accepting is wonderful and when you add their relevant experience, current knowledge and ability to articulate what you are not seeing---miracles can and do happen.

What I am talking about here is a coach, or what I am now calling myself, a Consciousness Catalyst. I hold the mirror of the true you for you to see, embrace, know, honor and love.

Think about this--How do you know the color of your own eyes?
By looking in the mirror and seeing for yourself or by someone telling you.
We can’t see ourselves in our totality without a mirror.

Would you like to finally see what is holding you back from the happiness and success that you desire?

Many times, I can identify what the block is in as little as one session!

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What Changes Are On Your Horizon?

Welcome to a new year and a new decade.

What is on the horizon is massive transformation and shifts of consciousness--that’s what 2010 is all about. It’s time to step into who you really are and do what you were born to do. On new years eve, after I spent all night howling at the blue moon, it hit me, my soul is calling me FORTH.

It is time for me to make some changes of my own, so I am planning a move to Austin, Texas.

While walking along the seashore today, I remembered a great quote:

If you want to discover new oceans, you have to learn to leave sight of the shore.

My own coach had been encouraging me to go on a vision quest of sorts...

to step out of my comfort zone and get in touch with my bigger vision,

and right away I got to feeling out of sorts, low on energy, stuffed head and nose--allerigic.

I am aware enough to know I was in resistance.

Resistance is what stands between the life you live and the unlived life within you.

On a deeper level, I knew something was needing to change in my life, something big like a move of residence, but I did not want to think about leaving my comfort zone of living on the island and enjoying a quiet, simple life.

Once I faced my fear, felt my way through it, and accepted my next step, all those physical symptoms subsided, and a new sense of self and a burst of energy became activated.

Now, I know it is a natural step into taking my message of Everyday Enlightenment to a much bigger audience.

You see, when going through a major transition (divorce, career change, move, financial challenge) it is common to be in a state of negative emotional and mental overload that makes it difficult to think clearly and make wise decisions.

However, the stress that you are experiencing is the perfect prescription to evolve your soul---if you choose to see the blessing in the chaos and confusion. You can learn new skills

that are built upon a spiritual foundation and learn to access the wisdom of your own soul which will empower you to recreate your reality based on what you really desire.

And get this! The stress and resistance dissolves when you surrender to your higher purpose and allow your SOUL to lead you.

I bet you have some major life changes to make too. How would you like to be walked step-by-step you through a process that literally sets your SOUL Free so you can make the life changes that you know you need to make?

Then my new program, SOUL RX is to the rescue. You can choose to stop living life by default and re-creating the same reality day in and day out. You can live a life of fun, fulfillment and freedom.

This is the start of a new year, if you truly want it to be different and better, then you MUST be different and better. SOUL RX will heal the aspects of you that are holding you in bondage.

I have become a master at diagnosing what is making your soul sick and then creating a remedy for FAST relief.

Check it out: http://www.brightlightcoach.com/soul-rx.html

See you on the other side of your transformation. Might I add you look FABULOUS!